Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
