I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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