a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you had me at cake vodka
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
