Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
