Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
