i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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