I just saw a hot homeless man
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My penis needs a shock collar
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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