there was a trapeze. enough said
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
