I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
