On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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