i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
