We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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