apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
