I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
