I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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