The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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