I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
