I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
