i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
