He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
