Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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