My first STD was from a foam party
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
