oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
