I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just want to make out with him forever
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
