So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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