I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
