she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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