so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
