it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize