HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
