I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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