Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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