I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
