I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
