Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
