I faked an abortion last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize