A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm passing your future prison.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
