i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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