I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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