You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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