Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
