If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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