I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
