I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
