is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
