The maid of honor just puked.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dignity is for republicans.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
