i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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