i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
