When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
