FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
