I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize