do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
