Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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