I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The Olympian is in my bed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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