So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
