Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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