My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
