im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
