"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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