He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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