i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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