I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
