goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
