It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
