Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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