addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
