Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
